How do you measure time?

Time is measured in different ways by everyone. Is it measured in minutes and seconds? Hours? Days? Months? Years? The last time you saw a loved one? Maybe it's a countdown to a vacation, or a special event, like a birthday. Ask any child in December when Christmas is going to be here, and they'll have it down to the number of sleeps. Time for me is now measured relative to the night my Dad died, my new ground zero.

Last night, I was getting ready for bed, and while there's a little less anxiety each night about the middle-of-the-night phone call from the hospice, it doesn't stop me from thinking about and remembering this time last week. I went to bed last night around 10:30 pm. Exactly one week prior was when everything started. It's as if time has stood still. The rest of the world is still operating, but my world is on hold. Everything is now measured in time lapsed from 8:40pm, Tuesday, April 19th.

1 day after his death we cleaned out his room at the hospice. 2 days after his death, he was cremated. 6 days after his death, we moved everything out of the house. 9 days after his death, we spread his ashes. 10 days after his death, we do the rituals and memorial service. 10 days after his death, we give possession of my parents’ home to the new owners. 13 days after his death, we have another service at home for him.

Today marks a week since my Dad’s passing. A whole week.
7 days.
168 hours.
10,080 minutes.
604,800 seconds.

When will time go back to being measured on a calendar or a clock, and not by my Dad’s passing?

Tomorrow will be a busy day. The spreading of his ashes, more grocery shopping, food prep for the guys who’ll be cooking on Thursday, out-of-town visitors arriving, and mass production line-cooking tomorrow at my sisters place to make the puris (pronounced poo-ree) for the temple the next day.

Puris are just one of many types of Indian “breads”. We don’t have loaves per se, but just the way you can find tortillas, croissants, bread loaves or buns in a bakery, Indians have different types of bread. Each sub-culture in India/Pakistan/Bangladesh etc will have a type of bread that is typical to that region (think of the French and their croissants vs the British and their scones for instance). Puris are not very commonly made, and are usually reserved for weddings or other ceremonial rituals. Most often, we eat paratha roti (I call it the Indian equivalent of a croissant, but flat), but my Dad also liked sada (or simple) roti which is more like a really fat pita. We also make another kind of puri called dhal puri, which is a roti that is stuffed with ground, spiced yellow split peas. There’s no real comparison or equivalent that I can think of. My “sister” from Missouri nearly goes into a coma when she gets them! They’re my favourite too! The other three that are common in our culture are sweet roti (kind of like a crepe) which we eat with peanut butter for breakfast, potato roti, (like dhal puri, but stuffed with spiced potatoes like the ones you find in a samosas), and finally sugar roti (kind of like dhal puri, but stuffed with sugar instead). It’s usually something your mom will make for you if she has a little bit of dough left and you’ve been a good helper in the kitchen.

I will be vigilantly watching the clock this evening, waiting for 8:40pm. I will try my best to celebrate and remember the best of my Dad instead of marking the week with sad memories of his passing.

Wish me luck – I may need it.

Please feel free to comment or ask questions – it lets me know that someone out there is reading my ramblings.

Have a great night, everyone!