Does a year make a difference?

As the saying goes, "what a difference a year can make", but I'm not so sure time changes everything.

I can barely believe that this week marks a year since my Dad died.

I've been dreading this week for quite some time, and now it's here, and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. The memories of a year ago are as fresh today as if they had just happened today.

I decided to mark my Dad's passing by being vegetarian for the month of April. This time last year, the whole family had to be vegetarian for all of the rituals and ceremonies that needed to be performed. We started the day my Dad died and kept it up for a month. I've decided going forward that I will continue to be vegetarian every April in memory of my dad. It will hopefully act as a reminder to me of the many sacrifices my parents made for their family to provide us all a better life. In some ways I feel it's the least I can do.

The next 48 hours will be pretty tough I think. I've decided to take a vacation day on the 19th - I'm just not sure I'm up to being around people all day, and I'm not convinced that I have enough of a grip on my emotions to not lose it entirely, especially if anyone were to say anything.

I miss my Dad terribly. I miss the calls he'd make for no other reason than to see how I was doing. He had so many pet names for me; Sugarplum, babe, baby, the most beautiful girl in the world, his most beautiful daughter (but I think he said that to all of us), mama, etc I wasn't just "the" baby, I was HIS baby, and he always made me feel like I was the center of his world.

My Dad always told me how proud he was of me, and never missed an opportunity to tell me how much he loved me. hope that if I had the chance to talk to him just one more time, he'd still feel the same way.

One Year Later

I can scarcely believe that one year ago today is when the journey with my Dad started.

A year ago today my dad had a severe enough bleed at home that the decision was made for his safety (and our sanity) that he needed to be moved to a hospital for his care.

Needless to say, he was not in the least bit happy about being moved, but when we weighed the cost-benefit of him staying at home versus being in a hospital with trained professionals, reason won out in the end and he was moved to the Riverview centre.

I'm glad I wasn't there that night for the bleed at home - I'm not good with that kind of stuff (numbers are more my thing), and ultimately, the stress that his care at home was placing on the entire family was starting to reach a peak.

I got home today and did my usual routine - grab my iPod, check for mail, see the pooch, rustle something up for dinner, etc

I was warming up some leftovers and saw an email from an old friend - someone whom I hadn't heard from in some time. He had written to let me know that his father passed away last Monday, Jan 23rd. His mother had passed away several years ago, and his father has been on his own since. He was a very active member in his community, and accomplished many great things.

I called to leave a message for him to say how sorry I was about his Dad, but given where my head is at this week with my own Dad, it was a little too close to home. I hope to chat with him sometime this week to express my condolences personally.

The irony of it is - I was off work last week on vacation and had every intention of contacting him, but didn't for some reason. I guess as usual, the universe has it's own sense of order and I didn't contact him for a reason.

Anyway - I hope he's doing ok, and I hope to get some more information later this week around the circumstances of his father's passing.

RIP I.A.Q