And now, on to the next challenge ...

Happy belated Mother's Day to all my mom friends!

The weekend seems so long ago - where has the time gone??

Saturday after work I basically came home and vegged out. Although I was at work for only 3 days, it sure felt like a whole week! I'm glad to be back, and happy that I feel like I'm right back in the groove of things.

Sunday I got two Mother's Day cards - one from Joe and one from my little cookie monster son, Romeo. Romeo has turned into quite the little cookie monster lately, demanding a cookie after his breakfast, which I'm more than happy to oblige him with. I also got some flowers, a gift card to Starbucks, and a promise for a dinner out at a restaurant of my choosing. How sweet!

After cards and gifts, I made a batch of "sweet roti" for pre-breakfast. They're a lot like crepes that we smear with peanut butter and enjoy. I say "pre-breakfast" because we had plans for Mother's Day brunch with Darwin's mom at the Scandinavian Cultural Centre.

I'm still not eating meat (officially 3 weeks!) and was positive that the only thing we'd get at brunch was link sausage, bacon and ham, so I decided that eating at home would be a good idea.

Well, to my utter delight, the buffet was FILLED with seafood (I am eating fish). I should've thought that a Scandinavian Cultural Centre would have fish - DUH! They had two full poached salmons, shrimp, calamari, mussels, smoked salmon - you name it, they had it!

After brunch, we headed to Polo Park. I haven't been there since some time last year, and it was nice to be out without worrying about where I wasn't (the hospice).

We got came back home, hung out for a bit, then went to see my Mom who is currently living with my sister. I normally buy her hanging baskets instead of flowers because they last right through until October, but now without her own house, I wasn't sure if she'd want baskets or not this year. I gave her a rain cheque for the baskets, and a promise to take her later this month when things warm up a bit, assuming she still wants them.

My sister asked us if we wanted to stay for an impromptu dinner, and since Darwin can't turn down curry, we stayed.

Monday I got some time to myself for the first time in a long time, then went to my favourite spa in the afternoon for some pampering. If anyone is reading this and is interested in the BEST facial in town, let me know :) I also have a $20 discount card for anyone who is trying out City Looks Spa for the first time :)

Joe and I got to babysit my grandnieces last night as the rest of the family went out for a combination Mother's Day/birthday party for my sister and her husband. While there was some pretty heavy negotiations and positive reinforcement going on between me and my grandnieces, all-in-all, the night went off without a hitch.

If you know anything about me at all, you know I love arts and crafts, so last night I found a craft idea where you colour grains of rice with food colouring and rubbing alcohol. Well, as the saying goes, necessity is the mother of invention, and in the absence of rubbing alcohol, I used vodka :) And in the absence of time, I put the wet rice in the oven to dry in time for craft time. I know everyone is biased when it comes to the talents of their children, but my grandnieces are SO talented and artistic, and I love watching them create their masterpieces!

So today is MY Monday. While I LOVE having REAL Mondays off, Tuesdays are SO hectic for me - back-to-back meetings, "lunch" at 4pm - you know, the typical Monday!

I got a call from Lisa at one of the local property management companies who was calling to let me know that there are 4 units coming available in one of the apartment blocks that I had put my mom's name on back in February. All 4 units will be available in July and it's one of the nicer units, albeit NOT a senior's complex.

I called my mom tonight to let her know that an opportunity to move is now on the table and she needs to start making some long-term decisions. She is reluctant to move right now, saying that she's "not ready", but I had to remind her that she's not moving next week - it's another 2 months away, and that she can't live with my sister forever.

Truth be known, I don't really want her to live in this particular unit (I want her in a senior's complex), and she doesn't REALLY have to leave my sister's place, but that being said, we all need to consider everyone's needs, and not just my mom's. The call today from the property management company at least served as a catalyst to a conversation about long-term living arrangements.

In my opinion, I don't think my mom living with my sister is healthy for either of them in the long-run, and more importantly, I think my mom needs to be in an environment with a peer group - people who have also experienced loss, and people who keep themselves busy during the day by engaging in group activities. Selfishly, it also takes some of the stress off of us knowing that someone will likely check on her everyday. I think for now we've agreed somewhat that staying with my sister for the summer with some time out in Alberta (with my other sister and one of my nieces) is a workable solution, but it's clear based on my conversation with her today that we'll need to broach the subject several times over the next few months and prepare her to move.

I hope everyone had a good weekend, and honoured the special ladies in their lives.

Make it a great week!

Day two (but really feels like day 22)

I got a peaceful albeit short sleep last night (probably 4 hours total). I spent some time talking on the phone with one of my nieces in Edmonton and didn't get to sleep until almost 2:30am.
I woke up around 6:20am and laid in bed reflecting on how much things have changed in such a short while.
I finally got out of bed around 7:30am, made some tea and toast for breakfast, got ready for work then went to the Kia dealership to pick up Kevin and take him to work (he had to go in and get his summer/winter tires swapped). We headed to McDonald's for a coffee run for Dena and I then headed in to work.
I felt like I had a somewhat productive day even though I'm still very much trying to get caught up with emails and deadlines past and future.
I got a few more condolences throughout the day from people that I didn't even think would know about my Dad's passing, and it was nice to know that they would take time out of their day to acknowledge our loss.
One colleague of mine came over and offered her condolences and we had a brief (somewhat misty-eyed) chat about the loss of a loved one - the feeling of being overwhelmed at times, feeling good at others then being suddenly reduced to tears, and all too often being overcome by the surreal-ness of it all. Our conversation at least served the purpose to confirm that I'm not alone, and the more I talk/write about it, the better for me.
I also found out, quite by accident today, that my "sister" (non-blood related) also started a blog, at least in part because of our conversation about the healing power of writing. I encourage anyone who is reading this to do the same - even if you never share it, even if you think you're not a good writer, even if you think you have nothing "good" to write about.
My "sister" and I chatted this morning around 8am - she sent me an email late yesterday, an excerpt of which I will publish:
I don't know very much at all about hinduism. I was looking in the macy's brochure today. They had pendant necklaces and the first one I saw was the Eiffel tower. I thought of you and said to Tim, "Sophie has been there!". The next pendant that I noticed had a very interesting configuration. It looked like a "3" with some other things around it. I remember noticing on the wall at the temple a similar symbol. I said to Tim, I think that's a Hindu symbol. What is this doing in the Macy's flyer. I almost took a picture of it to ask you. Instead I googled! Sure enough its the same symbol. I don't know what it means. More odd is I don't know how or why its in the Macy's catalogue.
So what's strange is that Kevin and I were chatting yesterday about my new necklace, a gift from my "sister". It looked somewhat familiar because it's on a pretty popular commercial. It's the Jane Seymour "open heart" necklace which kind of looks like two hearts joined at the points, but open at the opposite ends. It resembles a swan, which, (not many people know) is the translation of part of my first, legal, Indian name. I've always loved swans, and this particular necklace is a new release because it also coincidentally has my birthstone in it! It is so beyond perfect on its own, but the reason she gave it to me is because she too lost her Dad (15 years ago! Where has the time gone?!) She attached a note, part of which I'll include in my blog:
"After my Dad passed, I bought myself a necklace. On one side it says "ONE DAY AT A TIME". On the other side it says, "Dad, October 26th, 1996" ... I also count days and things are relative to that day ... I think it's the bond between a father and a daughter and the extreme life shift that occurs after they are gone. No one compares to your Dad ... I hope you find strength in my small gift ... Two hearts connected in a special bond that happens between a daughter and her Dad".
I was starting to tell Kevin about my special gift but got choked up and couldn't finish it (hopefully you're reading it now, Kev!), but I don't think it's coincidental that I was talking about her yesterday morning, and that evening she sees two "signs" that remind her of me!
What she didn't know was that the "3" that she saw at the temple, and now in the Macy's catalogue, is the same symbol that I had tattooed on my back years ago as a visual reminder of my Dad (I have a second tattoo of a crescent moon and star (the symbol for Islam as my mother was born and raised as a Muslim (but is now a Christian, but that's a story for another day))).
The "3" or Aum (pronounced Om) is hard to explain, but it is considered by Hindus to be the eternal sound of the universe. It encompasses in its three letters the creation of the universe, the life of the universe, and the destruction of the universe (deep stuff, I know!) :)
They say that somewhere in the world, at any given time, someone is thinking about you. An old friend, a current one, a parent, a spouse, maybe even someone who suffers from unrequited love.
To my "sister" - I thought about you today, and I know you're thinking about me. Today's blog is dedicated to you, and to echo your sentiment:

Who we become in life begins with family. Thank YOU for including me in yours.

Goodnight, all!

A good start, but a long day

My brother called me late last night, after I posted my blog, to see how I was doing. He had had my mom and her two sisters out to his farm for the evening for dinner, and had just returned home after dropping them back off in the city. We were just chatting and then he said that he had come to the realization the day previous (Tuesday) that he didn't need to go to the hospice. He said that I was probably feeling the same way because Wednesday was always my day to go. I guess we're all feeling that way - all of this new found time that we have and we're not quite sure what to do with ourselves.
I woke up this morning still apprehensive about what the day would hold. I got some of my stuff together then remembered that it was also daycare day and needed to get Romeo sorted out too.
I got to the daycare around 9:30 and dropped the "baby" off and met Shelley - one of the owners. With everything that's been happening over the past couple of weeks I haven't had the time to take the baby to school, so it was the first time that I've really seen anyone outside of close friends and day-to-day colleagues. Shelley gave me a big hug and said it was nice to see me again.
I got to work shortly before 10 and saw my friend and fellow Team Manager Kevin. Kevin knows better than to get into anything heavy so we kept it light. I was totally fine until another colleague of mine (coincidentally also named Kevin) came over and tried to offer his condolences. He stretched his arms out to hug me and all I could do was keep repeating, "not now, not now, not now" as I backed away from him. I could feel that all too familiar lump in my throat starting to make its appearance, and managed to squeak out, "I'll take a rain cheque on your hug". As soon as he left, I lost it .... I felt so bad for Kevin because I knew that he was doing everything he could to talk about ANYTHING but my Dad. Great job, Kevin! He managed to get me to laugh a bit, and all was good from there.
For the most part, that was the worst of it - nearly everyone simply said, "It's nice to see you back", or "We/I missed you - nice to see you", and the day passed reasonably well.
It was nice to be back at work, and although I feel like so much time has passed, I DID manage to remember my passwords (yeah, me!), and despite 800+ emails, I felt like, for the most past, I was able to pick up where things left off.
After work we went to my sister's place for a postponed Easter dinner. We had originally planned to do Easter dinner at the hospice with my Dad on Good Friday, but of course after everything happened, things changed.
It was nice to see my aunts again before they leave on Saturday to go back to Toronto. Darwin and I got to spend some quality time with my very cool Aunt Madge, and she told us all about her life (when she got married, all about her husband, her move to Canada etc). I have a great appreciation for all of the sacrifices she made for her children and I know they do too. She's so AMAZING! I bought her a small gift as my way of saying "Thank you" - for being here for our family, all of her hard-work with food preparation over the past week, and generally just being such a great person. I'll really miss her, but am thankful that I got to know her so much better on this trip.
Although it's only been one day at work, it does almost feel like it's been a whole week. I'm looking forward to the "weekend" - well MY weekend at least :)
Make it a good one, everyone!

When the going gets tough, the tough get going ...

I'd hardly call Billy Ocean an inspirational singer, but to coin a phrase from his song, it's time to get going - back to work that is.
I talked to my mom this morning and we both realized that today is the first Wednesday that we're not heading to the hospice. There will be many more firsts this week, that's for sure. As I sit here and type, I think of one of the first things I'll see when I get back to my office - the hospice phone number and my Dad's phone number pinned to my office wall, right in plain sight as my visual reminder to call and check up on him (as if I needed one).
I don't quite know what to expect - other than hundreds and hundreds of emails. I'm anxious. Anxious that I'll turn into a puddle of tears at the first person to offer their condolences that hasn't already done so by way of email, flowers, cards, or my Dad's memorial service. Anxious about all the things I may have forgotten. Anxious about deadlines. I just want things to go back to normal.
It's only been two weeks, and yet in some ways, it all feels like a very distant point in the past, probably more so because things have been moving at lightening speed for the past couple of weeks. Nonetheless, as anxious as I am, I'm also excited.
We made plans tonight for lunch on Sunday with Darwin's mom for Mother's Day, and then we'll probably do dinner with my Mom. Even though Mother's Day is right around the corner, I can't help but think about Father's Day in June - the first without my Dad. The last few years we've celebrated each Father's Day, Christmas, birthday etc as though it could be our last, and now it's here, and I'm not sure what to make of it all. I guess we'll know when we get there.
Anyway - I'm off to spend my last few hours in peace, quiet, and reflection before I go back to work tomorrow.
Wish me luck, and make it a great one!!

Back to life, back to reality

I have a really close friend who always accuses me of turning everyday situations into a musical. She thinks that any opportunity that I can find to sing about something, I do, and I think she's right. So, today's post is aptly named after the Soul II Soul 1989 hit, Back to Life.
The past few days have been nothing short of a whirlwind of activity. Marathon days of cooking, cleaning, running errands, and multiple services have rendered me past the point of exhaustion.
Wednesday was mostly prep work for Thursday's services, as well as the disposal of my Dad's ashes by my brother and mom in the river. In Hindu custom, the ashes must be spread in running water (i.e. a river, not a lake), so my brother and mom went down to the river in my parents' old neighbourhood - a place that was both familiar and comforting.
Thursday we had a pretty early start to a very long day. My brother shaved his head (another Hindu custom), then went to the river to dispose of his hair. We had the first private service at my sister's home on Thursday morning, then another trip to the river to dispose of all of the offerings made during the service (flowers, money, rice, sesame seeds, barley flower, etc). I then barely had time to get home, showered again, and dressed for the service at the temple at 4pm.
We got to the temple around 1:30pm and started setting up. There were a few guys from the temple that volunteered to cook, which I hope was cut down quite a bit due to all of the prep work we did the day before. We took close to 500 puris (roti/flatbread) that we cooked the night before, 3-1 litre pails of chopped onions, 1 litre of garlic paste, chopped butternut squash, chopped spinach, etc It was so much work, but it was the least we could do for the volunteers that were helping out.
Closer to the service time, I took the role of greeter which allowed me to not only meet everyone, but also ensure that everyone knew the rules of the temple (no shoes!)
While I was humbled by the number of people that came out to my Dad's memorial service, I was most humbled by the outpouring of support from my friends and colleagues. I simply lost count at 25 people that came out to honour my father's memory. I have no words to express my heart-felt gratitude. Thank you is not enough, but know that I will forever remember your love and support at such a difficult time.
A very special THANK YOU to two extra special people:
Mesia - It's been a long time coming, but your singing at my Dad's memorial service was always in the stars. Divine intervention played a role in you being here, in town, during our crisis, and your angelic voice being heard throughout the temple is not something anyone will soon forget.
Tara - my "sister" of my heart. My Dad loved you like you were his own, so it was only fitting that you'd be here for his memorial service. I appreciate that you flew home not only for my Dad, but to be here for me and my family as well. My Dad was one of your biggest fans and will continue to watch over both of us. Keep your eyes open for the signs!
After the second service on Thursday, the entire family went to the hospice to take some of the leftover food to the nurses. We took the opportunity to show the facility to some of our family who had never seen it before, and as we were leaving, we saw a single "fire-and-ice" rose (red on one side of the petal, white on the other) in a vase with a dedication to my Dad. It was hard to see, and for some reason, hard to write about right now? It was fitting that it was a red and white rose - my Dad loved red, and wore a red dress shirt and white pants in preparation for his cremation. It was clear that my Dad made an impact on many people's lives at the hospice, and we wanted them to know that we were appreciative of all of the love, support and care that they all offered my father during his stay at the hospice. They ensured that he got the best care possible, and that he lived his remaining days with the utmost dignity. As in life, so too in death.
Friday was a bit of a blur, but I did get to go out for coffee on Friday night with Tara and an old friend from high school who recently moved back to Winnipeg after 10+years in the States. We also went out for lunch on Saturday, but again the afternoon was filled with errands for Sunday's service.
We had the third and final service on Sunday - 13 days after my Dad's passing. According to Hindu custom, if we did everything correctly, then we have prepared his soul for salvation and he will attain peace.
My brother was informed during the last service that, TECHNICALLY, he needs to remain vegetarian for 1 whole year! The pundit said that he won't need to do that, but he may need to do it for the next month.
I myself haven't had meat in 2 weeks, but I did have some seafood today. I am reintroducing fish/seafood this week, but am still not sure that I'll return to red meat anytime soon.
Monday I spent three hours typing a transcription from a 90-minute focus group that my sister conducted as research for her PhD. I don't think I was too helpful as I only managed to transcribe 20 minutes, but I guess it's better than nothing?
Last night, I took some melatonin to help induce sleep, but some good that did - I woke up at 1am, 4am, and 6:30am. Hhhmmm ... I'll need to find another solution, and fast!
Today officially marks two weeks since my Dad's passing. I've barely had time to digest what's happened simply because we've all been too busy to face it head-on.
I suspect tomorrow will be a tough day. It'll be the first Wednesday in 13 weeks that I won't be going to the hospice.
As I write my blog now, I'm anxious about not being there tomorrow. So many times I thought about what it would be like to NOT have to go to the hospice, and now here it is, and I'm not quite sure what to make of it all. I feel guilty? But why? I guess that's for me to figure out ...
So I end tonight the way I started -
Back to life, back to reality, back to the here and now ...

How do you measure time?

Time is measured in different ways by everyone. Is it measured in minutes and seconds? Hours? Days? Months? Years? The last time you saw a loved one? Maybe it's a countdown to a vacation, or a special event, like a birthday. Ask any child in December when Christmas is going to be here, and they'll have it down to the number of sleeps. Time for me is now measured relative to the night my Dad died, my new ground zero.

Last night, I was getting ready for bed, and while there's a little less anxiety each night about the middle-of-the-night phone call from the hospice, it doesn't stop me from thinking about and remembering this time last week. I went to bed last night around 10:30 pm. Exactly one week prior was when everything started. It's as if time has stood still. The rest of the world is still operating, but my world is on hold. Everything is now measured in time lapsed from 8:40pm, Tuesday, April 19th.

1 day after his death we cleaned out his room at the hospice. 2 days after his death, he was cremated. 6 days after his death, we moved everything out of the house. 9 days after his death, we spread his ashes. 10 days after his death, we do the rituals and memorial service. 10 days after his death, we give possession of my parents’ home to the new owners. 13 days after his death, we have another service at home for him.

Today marks a week since my Dad’s passing. A whole week.
7 days.
168 hours.
10,080 minutes.
604,800 seconds.

When will time go back to being measured on a calendar or a clock, and not by my Dad’s passing?

Tomorrow will be a busy day. The spreading of his ashes, more grocery shopping, food prep for the guys who’ll be cooking on Thursday, out-of-town visitors arriving, and mass production line-cooking tomorrow at my sisters place to make the puris (pronounced poo-ree) for the temple the next day.

Puris are just one of many types of Indian “breads”. We don’t have loaves per se, but just the way you can find tortillas, croissants, bread loaves or buns in a bakery, Indians have different types of bread. Each sub-culture in India/Pakistan/Bangladesh etc will have a type of bread that is typical to that region (think of the French and their croissants vs the British and their scones for instance). Puris are not very commonly made, and are usually reserved for weddings or other ceremonial rituals. Most often, we eat paratha roti (I call it the Indian equivalent of a croissant, but flat), but my Dad also liked sada (or simple) roti which is more like a really fat pita. We also make another kind of puri called dhal puri, which is a roti that is stuffed with ground, spiced yellow split peas. There’s no real comparison or equivalent that I can think of. My “sister” from Missouri nearly goes into a coma when she gets them! They’re my favourite too! The other three that are common in our culture are sweet roti (kind of like a crepe) which we eat with peanut butter for breakfast, potato roti, (like dhal puri, but stuffed with spiced potatoes like the ones you find in a samosas), and finally sugar roti (kind of like dhal puri, but stuffed with sugar instead). It’s usually something your mom will make for you if she has a little bit of dough left and you’ve been a good helper in the kitchen.

I will be vigilantly watching the clock this evening, waiting for 8:40pm. I will try my best to celebrate and remember the best of my Dad instead of marking the week with sad memories of his passing.

Wish me luck – I may need it.

Please feel free to comment or ask questions – it lets me know that someone out there is reading my ramblings.

Have a great night, everyone!

A surprisingly emotional day filled with blessings

The day started off at 6:20am because a little furry somebody wanted to get out of his kennel. After taking him out and throwing him a carrot as a reward, I put him back in his kennel and told him it was still "night-night". I fully expected him to revolt and start barking, but smart puppy that he is, it's like he knew that I needed more rest and he didn't protest at all. I turned the TV on and watched Fawlty Towers until I fell back to sleep. I woke up around 8:30, showered, and headed over to the seamstress to give her the material to sew my suits for the services.
I got a little teary eyed when I told her why I needed them so quickly, but was pretty proud that I didn't have a full-out break-down! Well ... that was short lived.
My sister called and said that we couldn't get the ashes today, so we'll have to wait until Wednesday to spread the ashes. According to custom, we can only spread them on Monday, Wednesday, or Friday.
I headed over to the house and got there shortly after noon. The movers gave a commitment of sometime between noon and 2 pm.
I got into the house and it was so strange to hear my own echo in there. With everything removed, there were no couches, beds, tables, or anything else to absorb the sound. Everywhere I looked, I saw my Dad. The dining room table and where we sat so many times to eat. His little three-tiered stand that was in the corner of the dining room where he had his "office". His bedroom and his bed. I went to the bathroom, and I could swear I could smell his cologne. I looked at all of the hooks he had in the medicine cabinet to hang all of his razors, scissors, toothbrushes, etc My heart and my soul felt as hollow as the house. I had an absolute break-down, and this was the first time I was alone. No Darwin, no sisters, no brother, no mom .... just me, myself, and I. I was nearly inconsolable, and felt like I was hyperventilating. When I get really upset, I get nauseous, and felt like that several times while I was there.
To be honest, that's what I fear most, and always have throughout this whole journey. While witnessing my Dad's illness take over his whole body, and witnessing my father's passing were scary enough - what scares me most is the silence. If anyone has any tips, I'd love for you to share them. I don't look forward to the calm after the storm.
Darwin was out at an appointment and came to meet me at the house. He brought me a tea and saw how upset I was when he got to the house. He ushered me outside to compose myself, and we sat on the front steps like my father did so many times. He loved being outside, taking care of his near golf course perfect lawn. He always double-cut his lawn, once in one direction, then a 2nd time in a 90-degree angle so that he could have the perfect diamond pattern in his immaculate lawn. He truly was the envy of the neighbourhood. Some habits die hard - I do the same thing.
We walked around the yard and I remembered how my Dad loved to hang his hammock between the two trees in the backyard, swinging for hours and reading his Reader's Digest magazines, which later turned to National Geographic.
There were many hanging basket brackets left attached to the front of the house, one of which I made when I was in grade 10. My parents left it there all these years. I wanted to take it with me but Darwin said I should leave it. He said that my Dad's mark is all over the house and property, and my bracket added to that.
We sat around until 1:30pm when we got a call from the movers to say that they were stopping for coffee and would be at the house in 30-45 minutes. Well an hour later they still weren't there. I was NOT impressed. I called their dispatch office and they said they were about 10 minutes away. I called and left a message with the office manager and will look to get a discount on the move. A 2-hour window is understandable. Calling me and saying that you're 30-45 minutes away, showing up an hour later, and being 40 minutes past the originally agreed upon time is unacceptable.
It's so strange to see 37 years of hard work reduced to 30 boxes and a bedroom suite. The move itself didn't take that long. We met the movers at the storage unit, signed the papers and watched them unload everything.
We got home and ordered two pizzas - cheese only, and a shahi paneer pizza from our new favourite indian pizza joint. The pizza had paneer (a soft indian cheese - really easy to make!), cashews, raisins, and the same sauce used in butter chicken. Darwin really loved it. I'm more of a plain pizza kinda gal.
I made plans to go with my sister to another indian store to see if they have any ready-to-wear indian suits for the memorial service for her to wear. I was just about ready to call her when the phone rang. The number on call display showed my best friend/sister down in Missouri. I haven't talked to her since my Dad died. She and I have known each other since we were 5 (that's a loooong time!) and we grew up together. She was often at my house, and I was often at hers, and as a result, we saw each others parents as our own. I know my Dad very much regarded her as a daughter.
I wasn't sure I was ready to speak with her just yet, but she took the time to call, so the least I could do is answer the phone. We chatted for a bit - I told her about the move today, and we shared some memories about my Dad. She lost her Dad many years ago, suddenly, and has been a great source of advice and compassion during the entire process. She said she had something to tell me but she didn't want me to get mad. I was so concerned - I didn't know what I could possibly be mad at her for?? She told me that almost the moment she found out about my Dad's passing, she booked a ticket back home.
I am humbled by her offer to fly home. It's not quite right to say that I can't believe she's doing it, because that's her style, but I am surprised nonetheless. What a blessing.
But I did say blessings, plural, in the title.
The other blessing?
Two years ago when I thought we were going to lose my Dad, I asked a very good friend of mine if she would be able to sing at my Dad's service. Truthfully, I wasn't sure how we would even be able to do it as a traditional Hindu ceremony is hardly the place to sing a "pop song", but if there was a way to do it, I wanted it done.
Sadly, she moved out of the city last August. So much for having her at my Dad's service.
Well, as fate would have it, she's in town right now (for 3 weeks) to celebrate her niece's christening.
She knew that my Dad had passed away and offered, if she was able, to sing at my Dad's service. She is a yoga instructor, and unfortunately had previously committed to back-to-back-to-back classes during the time of my Dad's service.
I guess it wasn't meant to be. Oh well ....
Wait - I said there was a blessing in all of this. She managed to find replacements for all three of her classes so that she is able to join us on the afternoon/evening of the service to bring to fruition my dream of her singing Dance with my Father at my Dad's service.
My heart is bursting at the seams with all of the kindness that the world has to offer these days.
I am truly, truly blessed to have such a network of caring, supportive friends.
For that, I am truly grateful.

A fun day and more coincidences

Although I woke up sort of early today (7am), I fed the dog and started to watch Eat, Pray, Love which I had PVR'd a couple of weeks ago.
For anyone who hasn't read the book, it's a story about a woman who has a personal crisis of sorts, followed by the realization that she's lost herself along the way. The book/movie chronicles her journey across the world to find herself again. Personally, I found the book more rewarding than the movie, but I thought the story line was great.
I must've fallen asleep during the movie and woke up around 11am! I don't even know the last time I did that!
I woke up and made dinner for tonight (chickpea curry with rice pilaf) as I was planning to be out for the remainder of the day.
Around 1pm one of my best friends, really more like a sister, came by to pick me up to take me shopping at one of the local indian stores. We perused the myriad of outfits, with dizzying patterns, and some of the most ornate embroidery you'll ever see. Indians are not afraid of colour, and if you can imagine a colour, chances are it exists in some way, shape or form in an Indian outfit.
There are three main types of outfits for women -

saris - fabric ranging from 4-9 metres in length, wrapped around the body in a multitude of styles

















lehengas (long or short top with a long skirt),



















and a salwar kameez (usually a long top with MC hammer-like pants, that are either really loose and billowy like super-wide bell-bottoms, or tighter like leggings)





















I finally made the decision to purchase two sets of fabric which were both unfinished products (i.e. I need a seamstress to sew the outfits for me). I asked the shop owner if it would be possible to get both sewn by Wednesday (for pick-up) and he asked if I could come back on Monday for all the measurements to be taken. Unfortunately, with all of the events tomorrow, there's no way I'd be able to squeeze in an early morning 30 km round trip in. Besides, if the measurements were wrong, I'd have to make this trip a few times and that's just not feasible with everything else that needs to be done.
He asked what part of town I live in, and when I told him, he said that the seamstress was in the same part of town. As it turns out, I can almost LITERALLY see her backyard from my backyard! I've chosen to get both made in the salwar kameez style. I'm not big on skirts or dresses, so the pants will suit me just fine. For anyone who has never tried on an Indian outfit, let me say that as ornate as they may look, they are some of the most comfortable clothing you'll ever wear. I'll head over to the seamstress in the morning and get measured so that she can start sewing. I can't wait to see the finished product.
Here's a funny story - As I was chatting with the shop owner telling him what style of suit I wanted, he asked if I wanted "pajammie" pants. My friend overheard it, and asked me if he was asking if I wanted to wear pajamas. I had to explain that "pajama style" pants don't mean the same thing as pajamas do in North America. She then said it was weird that we took the word "pajama" from the English language. I had to tell her that it was actually the British who took the word from Indians during the British colonial rule of India from 1858 - 1947. Some other examples of everyday words borrowed from Hindi/Urdu/Arabic are: shampoo, bungalow, avatar, orange, pepper, and punch! There are many!!
After shopping, we went down to the Forks and browsed for a bit. It was so great to be out of the house, away from all of the commotion. She dropped me off at home with just enough time to gather some stuff for dinner over at my sister-in-law's home (Sharron) for Easter.
Sharron is one of the MOST AMAZING chefs I know, so imagine showing up at her place and the smell of Easter ham is wafting throughout the house! Fortunately, she also made several vegetarian side dishes, so along with what I had brought from home, we didn't feel too left out. She even made an out-of-this-world sweet potato pie with a pecan crust for dessert, and it was eggless and meatless (i.e. the crust was not made with lard).
While we were eating dessert, we started to recount the story of my dad's passing and all of the signs. When we got to the part about heading out to the crematorium, and how we had no idea where we were going or if we were even going in the right direction, my mother-in-law pipes up and says that she was there JUST the day before making plans for her own funeral!!
What's further ironic is that my mother-in-law grew up just a hop-skip-and-a-jump away from the crematorium (long before the cemetery or crematorium were placed there). Up until Wednesday, none of us had ever even heard of this cemetery or crematorium, and then, within a 24-hour period, ALL of us were there!?
We chatted a bit longer and then headed out.
Tomorrow will be another eventful day. We hope to pick up the ashes and dispose of them (as per my father's wishes) before noon, when the movers will show up at my mom's house to move her belongings into storage.
I really haven't been affected by the selling of my childhood home, but I have to say, tomorrow might be a little sad. Saying goodbye to my Dad last Tuesday, and now the house less than a week later ... it'll be interesting, if nothing else.

Wish me luck with the seamstress tomorrow. Did I mention, she doesn't speak English? This ought to be fun!

Sometimes it's the little things that matter most

My nephew and his girlfriend slept over last night. We stayed up quite late chatting and went to bed around 1am. With a puppy in the house it means you don't get to sleep in forever, but we did sleep until a little after 8am. Romeo was more than happy to paw at the guest bedroom door to see our guests and was quite content to lay with them and enjoy cuddling and being cuddled.
We went out for breakfast this morning to one of my favourite places (Edna Fedya) then went to one of my next favourite places (Starbucks) then drove around a bit and showed me nephew and his girlfriend some of the local flooding near the river.
After the tour, we went to visit my nephew's great-aunt. She's an absolute gem of a lady - sweet like candy and ADORABLE! I haven't seen her in almost a year, but the craziest thing is, even though she's a little grayer than I remember, she has the face of someone at least 25 years her junior! She's 82 and doesn't have a single wrinkle - not one!
We spent some time with her, then my sister and her husband came to visit as well. My brother-in-law's Dad and this lady are brother and sister (how confusing!).
Her brother (90 years old) had a fall recently and broke his hip and fractured his femur. He's been in the hospital for the last month in Toronto, and she's not been able to speak with him because she couldn't seem to navigate the automated system to the hospital's phone system, and she was having an awful time with feedback from her hearing aide and the phone.
I asked her if her phones were hearing aide compatible and she wasn't sure what I meant, so I went and checked all her phones but was disappointed to find that they didn't have any settings to make the situation any better.
My brother-in-law suggested that we hit up an electronics store to see if we could find a hearing aide compatible phone. I made a few phone calls and we decided to head out to London Drugs to buy a phone for her.
We came back, set up the phone for her, and made a phone call to the hospital so she could speak with her brother. The phone worked splendidly and she was able to speak with him without any issues from her hearing aide for the first time in over a month! She truly looked like she was about to cry she was so happy!
It was like one of those documentaries that you see where someone is born deaf but, through the miracle of surgery, is able to hear for the first time. Or it's like seeing in black-and-white your whole life and then seeing in colour. I could hardly believe something that small could make such a difference. The joy on her face is not something that I will easily or quickly forget, and it was yet another reminder to appreciate everything we take for granted.
After our visit, we went to my niece's for dinner - veggie burgers, salad, and vegan cake. It was actually really good, and I'll definitely make it in the future for some special people (you know who you are!)
It's been another event-filled day, and I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep.

Sweet dreams ...

Another Tough Moment

Today my father's obituary was published in the local paper. It was hard seeing his name and face under the obituary section. Another reminder that he's gone. The photo that was used is the photo from his 75th birthday celebration. His 75th birthday was also the day he found out he had cancer.

We had a family day yesterday at my eldest sister's house. Everyone was there and had breakfast/brunch together. Then we hung out together all day, shared some laughs, cooked (what else is new?) and watched some of the hockey game (well the guys did at least).

My two nephews and their girlfriends came over and spent some time at our place, then the older of the two left to return to my sister's place as his flight back to Calgary departed this morning at 7am.

Another packed day ahead. We're taking my nephew and his girlfriend out for breakfast. I have no idea what we're going to eat that's vegan? I feel good that we're still observing a vegetarian diet in honour of my Dad, but I have to say, I am looking forward to going back to a "regular diet". After breakfast, we might be heading over to my mom's house to sell a few more things from Kijiji, and then off to visit some relatives that I haven't seen in a long time. Then off for dinner at my niece's place.

The tears still come every now and then - sometimes when I least expect it. I wonder what will happen once the commotion is all over and I'm left to my own thoughts ... ? I guess only time will tell.

Make it a great one!