Update and disasters

As promised, I'm trying to be better at updating you guys with everything that's going on.

I can't believe another week has lapsed - in some ways it feels like hardly anything, but in other ways, it feels like a month.

I took Tuesday off after the scare on the weekend. After all of the excitement and anxiety, I really didn't feel like I was mentally in a good place and called in "sick" on Tuesday. I feel so guilty for missing work, but I think I would've been a puddle of tears had I gone. So much stress!

I saw my dad on Monday and Wednesday this week. Wednesday's visit was a little lighter in the sense that Ernie, the volunteer at the hospital who plays guitar on Wednesdays for the patients, was there. Joe and my mom were with me too, and we had a great visit with my dad. Although my dad's energy is still very low, Darwin and I accompanied Ernie while he played and sang a few of my dad's favourite songs. At one point he was even tapping his hand on the bed rails while we sang. One of the aides came by as we were singing and she started to dance in the hallway and said that she got goosebumps while we sang "Bridge over troubled water" - I think she was being kind. :) The weird thing is later that night Jacob Lusk (on American Idol) sang Bridge over Troubled Water!

Saturday was a partial moving day which turned out to be a disaster.

First off, my sister from Calgary who was supposed to arrive in Winnipeg at 12:30pm, forgot her i.d. and was denied boarding in Calgary which meant that she wasn't going to get into Winnipeg until almost 11pm. The movers that were supposed to show up at 1pm didn't show until 3:45pm. If it weren't for the moving itself, I would've told the movers to leave out of spite when they finally got there, but it wasn't really an option. I used my usual Sophie-negotiation skills and managed to pay only $75 instead of the projected $180. That being said, because they've proven unreliable, I had to try and find another mover today for the remainder of the move next Monday.

We had a wonderful and much needed dinner out with Tony and Andrea, affectionately known as T&A, at a new east Indian restaurant (new for us, but not new to Winnipeg). The food was good and the company was great. Tony and Joe ordered one indian beer each and when they asked for a second Kingfisher, they were told that they didn't have any left. They asked for a Cobra beer (another indian beer) but were told they didn't have any of that either. ??? I guess it's a restaurant, not a bar? :) T&A shared some awesome videos of LoJo (their 6 month old baby). Her name is Lauren Joelle, and she's one of the most precious babies I've ever met. She has a full head of hair which I affectionately call her "ridiculous wig". It's the sweetest thing I've seen in a long time. After dinner we went out to Indigo books (aka STARBUCKS) for tea/coffee and chatting. It was awesome and for a few moments, I felt "normal" again.

My sister from Calgary arrived safely and called me this morning to find out what else needed to be packed at the house. I started going down the list and then asked her why she wasn't asking mom. Apparently, mom "doesn't know what else needs to be packed"???????? It's her house, she's there a few times a week packing stuff up, but she doesn't know what else needs to be packed??

I told my sister I was not going to be going to the hospice or the house today and that she and mom would have to try and figure out what else needs to be done. SO FRUSTRATING!

I caught up on a bit of sleep this morning. My new addiction? A sleeping bag on my pilates mat with my dog by my side (inside the sleeping bag). Very comforting. :)

This afternoon I got some much needed girl time. Although it was for Dena's birthday (April 11th) I think I got as much out of it as she hopefully did. 5 of us got together for pedicures and cheesecake and some girl time. I think it's something we need to do monthly going forward.

Another busy day tomorrow. Personal appointments for me and Joe, a visit to the hospice, and then more packing at the house. I also need to make arrangements for Oyate Tipi to pick up some donated stuff. Oyate Tipi is a non-profit organization that gives items to women and children who are escaping abusive situations. I'd much rather give it to someone that truly needs it than to give it to the salvation army for free so they can in turn sell it back to someone else.

We are hoping that everything gets wrapped up by Thursday so that we don't spend the Easter weekend working on the house.

The final move will be on the 25th, and thankfully my sister has that day off too.

Thank you to everyone who has emailed this week. The offers of yoga, coffee, dinner out, dinner delivered to our place, helping with the move etc is beyond kind. I haven't taken anyone up on their offer - yet :) and it is humbling to know that I have such a strong network of friends. There are no words to express my gratitude for your thoughtfulness and consideration - TRULY.

For now, my "therapy" is as always my baking and cooking. I try to take something to the hospice each week for the nurses, aides, and staff. I am in awe of the entire staff, and have the utmost respect for the nurses. They are the most amazing people - ever.

Email is, for now, the best way to stay in touch. I don't really like to talk much these days, and I especially don't like to talk about everything that's going on, but know that I read your emails, and I listen to your voicemails and I treasure them all.

Try to have a great week everyone, and enjoy some family time over the Easter weekend.

I'll update next week (sooner if there's anything to report).

Much love to all.

Long overdue update

Hi Everyone,

I know it's been a long time since I've emailed an update.

First - for those that have called, left messages etc and I haven't returned your call - it's not you, it's me. There is just so much going on and little to no time to make as many calls as I need to.

So .... for those that don't know, my Dad was moved out of our family home on Feb 1 due to an increased requirement for medical care. We moved him to Riverview and the first week was pretty rough as WE all knew that he wasn't coming home but we didn't have the courage to tell him.

Exactly one week later we were most fortunate to have a bed open at the Grace Hospice. They offer 24 hour care with nurse/patient ratios of at worst 3 to 1, and at best 1 on 1 care. It's the MOST unbelievable place, and we are SO blessed to have my dad's last weeks in such a caring environment.

We've had MANY challenges over the past two months with my dad, from his lack of compliance at times, his lack of appreciation for the amazing place he's in and the stress that his care has caused and is causing us. My brother and sister, my mom and I have spent as many hours at the hospice as humanly possible, but it never seems to be enough for my dad. That being said, we certainly recognize that he's scared and lonely, and has no idea what to expect.

The whole reason that my dad was moved was due to a pretty "significant" bleed at home from the tumor. It was enough to scare us and enough for us to know that none of us are trained to deal with this type of crisis. He's had a few bleeds since his move to the hospice but nothing "alarming" per se ... until today.

We got a call from the hospice saying that it was a significant bleed (by their standards, not ours) and that they thought it best that the family know and head down to the hospice. In essence, the risk of a full "bleed out" is imminent, and if it were to happen, he'd bleed out in less than 2 minutes. The bleed would happen from his carotid artery, and there would be nothing that the nurses could do other than to try and sedate him to reduce his anxiety. Pretty horrific if you ask me.

In the interim, my parents house has been sold and I've spent the last 3 weekends at the house packing. Darwin and I are also running back and forth between our house, the hospice and my parents' house as I've listed a number of items on Kijiji and have to meet the buyers. The good news is that we're getting rid of most stuff and will hopefully not have to put stuff in storage for my mom.

My mom has moved in with my sister for now, and we are looking into apartments for her. I think my sister and I have concluded that my mom living with either of us wouldn't be good for anyone, but on a temporary basis, it's tolerable.

This by far has been the most stressful weekend, and the "crisis" today was a reminder of just how precariously things hang in the balance right now.

I'll TRY to update weekly, but honestly, by the time Monday night rolls around, I can barely keep my eyes open. I go to the hospice every Monday, Wednesday for about 2 hours before work, Saturdays after work, and Sunday afternoons. I usually stay with him while he eats so that at least he has some company, but it's exhausting and although I need to slow down a bit, it's hard not to feel guilty when I'm not there.

Anyway - thank you all for your emails, calls, and voice mails. I'm NOT ignoring you, but sometimes I just don't have enough energy left over for even a quick phone call - x 10 :)

My promise to all of you is to TRY and update more often, even if it's something short.

Hugs and love to you all.